All relationships have its phases from the crush where everything is so rosy until the everyday hits you and you realize that the one you met is a normal human being with mistakes just as everybody else in this world. Having a crush on someone is like being on drugs where you live in an illusionary world and when the reality hits you it can be hard sometimes. I have never been in a relationship that lasted for as long as Johan and I have been together. Therefore, I have never experienced the different phases that we are going through.
The crush. Wow, that was an amazing time. Everything is new and it was so exiting to discover all kinds of new things together. We laughed together, watched movies together and even hided our relationship from the people around us since we were not supposed to be in a relationship. When we met, we did not believe in love and therefore none of us were looking for a relationship either. I guess it was kind of exiting to trick everyone else into believing that we were just friend and text him to come over to my place after our friends had left after social occasions. After a while we discovered that we had real feelings for one another and that it was time to have that serious talk about where we were going with our so-called friendship and we ended up in a real relationship.
The 3 years crisis. That was a hard one. I was so unsure about our relationship and I kept asking myself if he was the right guy for me. I thought to myself what was supposed to make this person so different and whether it was time to move on. The crush phase felt so far away and the smallest things he did irritated me. I did care for him but I was asking myself whether my feelings where love or if I just cared for him as a friend. We were really struggling for the first time in our relationship. I was also asking myself if the difference in age was a problem since I am 4,5 years older than him. I was also unsure whether he would be able to handle the fact that I have kids and that we come from two very different worlds. Anyway, we decided to move in together and try to fix things. We went to Spain on holidays which really changed the relationship to the better. We managed to forget about the everyday life and fall in love once again.
The 5 years crisis. Well, we survived the 3 years crisis and we are now in the 5 years crisis. The past couple of months have been challenging and our relationship has been tested hard. I guess that the transition from living in Stavanger being students to moving to Trondheim with full-time jobs has made an extra pressure on our relationship. We are also working on different time slots, Johan during day time and I am working on the evenings. We do not have much time for one another and when the weekends come we are exhausted. I have had the feeling of not being in a relationship since I have not been able to spend time with him at all.
Communicating used to be our strength which really helped us connecting with one another. We could tell each other everything and did not keep any secrets. Besides being my lover, he was also my best friend. We feel that we have lost our ability to communicate with each other and this has affected our relationship in the way that we tend to argue more and talk less with one another. Lately, we have talked about the way we feel about our ability to communicate. To make a change we both must go all in and stop blaming the other person. We have therefore decided to start to engage ourselves in what is important for the other person. We believe that this would help us to start communicating again. I love Johan and I am willing to anything to get chemistry back. I guess that our relationship needs a reset and we also must get the trust back in one another when it comes to communicating with one another. Johan is the strongest in communicating and it can be hard for me to share what I feel.
I will share what we are going to do to fix things. We are both going to engage ourselves into things that the other person likes and I will share this process with you guys in the upcoming weeks. I was not sure whether I wanted to share this post with you but I do this to illustrate that all relationships have its difficulties and Johan and I are no different. We love each other and that is why he are willing to make this change.
I believe that it is difficult for people to share problems in their relationships since we tend to show only the good parts. No relationship is perfect and I hope that my honesty can help others to grow in their relationships as well.