I must say that I have never ever in my life been afraid of new challenges and bringing new people into my life. I am a very social person which has resulted in many friendships and experiences that have made be the person I am today. Additionally the past has also made me the one I am today and not just in a positive way.
There has been a lot of thoughts and feelings bubbling in me and there are some scars from the past when I lost the most important in my life. In a way it benefitted me since loosing everything made me realise that I had to change which saved me from myself. I must say though that loosing everything was also very hard and it is difficult to fight my way back to life again. I guess that this experience has been a curse and a blessing at the same time.
Moving to Trondheim has been a process that has worked better for Johan than for me. I like the city and the apartment that we live in, but I don’t have the same network that Johan built in Trondheim by making phone calls to recruitment companies etc when we were still living in Stavanger. I had to start from scratch here which delayed my job process somewhat. It has been a bit lonely being all alone at home and I must admit that I have felt a bit down lately. I am glad for Johan’s development since he can provide for both me and him in the future with his salary while I cannot do the same and that is the main reason for why we moved in the first place.
Today he invited me out for a walk since he understood that I was feeling a bit down. I must admit that I find it difficult to dare to build network in the same way that Johan did. I believe that things from the past have made me afraid of connecting. It is so strange to write this since I am a person that everyone believe connects with the whole world. The people who know me well know that this is not true. I struggle to trust ordinary people and I actually find it easier to trust a drug addict than a person on the mall. Strange but true. I must challenge myself in this area and start to not give a damn about what others might think of me. I must start to ignore the judgement that I feel from others. I must dare to show the whole world who I am without being afraid of being rejected. I must start to believe that I am a resource and that my past can be beneficial for others in the way that I can inspire people by showing them that even though you loose everything you can always fight your way back. My life is an example of exactly that.
In order to be able to do this I must start to dare. As the famous football club Tottenham Hotspur says it: “To dare is to do”. I really like this frase and it actually makes me a little Spurs fan haha, no I am just kidding but there motto really fascinates me. I believe Trondheim is a new start for both me and Johan and I believe that we will be able to grow and develop in this city. I believe that it can be a wonderful home for us but I must face my demons and get rid of the thoughts from the past. I must dare to face them and overcome the silly person that whispers in my ear that I don’t dare or that I cannot. We are capable of doing everything that we want and I believe that faith can move mountains. Instead of impossible I choose to think I’m-possible.
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