Blog Daily Prompts Life Relationship

How profound is your relationship?

October 12, 2016

I have been talking with some friends lately about their relationships and how open they are with the one they love. I honestly believe in openness in a relationship and would like to share as much as possible with my boyfriend while some of my friends said that they would not bother their boyfriend with a lot of feelings and so on. They want the relationship to be honest but at the same time a bit superficial.

Even though I like openness and being able to talk to my boyfriend about everything and have a profound relationship it can be hard sometimes. I have experienced some tough things in my life and sometimes they come back to haunt me. My boyfriend knows me very well and he always notices when these thoughts come. I am a bit mixed about what I want when he asks me because a part of me wants to be honest and open up while another part of me feels that it would only worsen my feelings by digging deeper into my thoughts.

I know he loves me and asks because he cares and sometimes I can feel a bit guilt for not opening up for him even though he has said that he respects my decision when I don’t want to talk because it might ruin the profoundness of our relationship. I wish that I was able to be open about everything with him like he is with me but on the other hand he has not experienced such things in his life and he is not struggling with that kind of memories.

I wanted to discuss the subject here on WordPress in order to get some opinions from my lovely readers regarding how open you guys are with your soulmate. Do you share everything or are there some things that you keep for yourself? Do you think that keeping thoughts for yourself can weaken the relationship? Or is it that focussing on positive things and not delve with negative thoughts actually can improve both yourself and your relationship?

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30 Comments

  • Reply Keith Haney August 3, 2016 at 5:03 am

    I have share everything with my wife. She knows things about me that only she and I share. It was hard at first but it too our relationship deeper. I shared them with her before we were married. It was so freeing for me. The dark cloud hanging over my head is gone. And the best thing is that she did not judge me only loved me deeper for trusting her enough. Feeling safe enough to share even my deepest darkest secrets with her. I hope that helps?

    • Reply Roberta Pimentel August 3, 2016 at 11:01 pm

      Thank you. I also think that it is important to share however it can be challenging sometimes. I believe that it is a progress and hopefully I will be able to share everything one day 🙂

      • Reply Keith Haney August 3, 2016 at 11:04 pm

        You will know when the time is right. Don’t rush it

  • Reply pmuzumdar August 3, 2016 at 5:14 am

    Amazing the timing of your article. I’m going to reblog this one. I was just talking about this with someone today. How being honest or black and white is the best way to grow and sustain close relationships. I’ve had my share of bad things that I don’t like to talk about because it takes me back to that time. I’d rather let the past be the past especially if it doesn’t impact the present or the future. Having the person that loves you respect that and trust that you’re not lying or hiding from them is BIG! I’m with you though, I share a lot but some things I’m just not ready to go there.

    • Reply Roberta Pimentel August 3, 2016 at 11:07 pm

      We really trust one another which is a really good thing. I have told him some things from the past and he knows that I have gone through tough things. When he sees that I am a bit silent he recognises right away that I am thinking about bad memories and gives me the chance to talk by asking if everything is fine and respects me when I say yes even though he knows that it is not completely true. I believe that respect is one of the keys to a successful relationship 🙂

      • Reply pmuzumdar August 5, 2016 at 3:13 am

        Looks like you’ve found a keeper. 🙂 Glad he is so understanding and supportive of you.

  • Reply Reblog: How profound is your relationship? – A Penny for my Thoughts August 3, 2016 at 5:23 am

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  • Reply pawan35 August 3, 2016 at 6:15 am

    First of all there is a difference in the way we have been in relationship… Life partner, lover or Soul Mate. There is vast difference here. Soul Mate be not necessary with whom we will be living out our lifes and there may be even no physical relationship between both but the love they have between them is a love which has been growing for life’s and there is reason why we are termed as Soul Mates… Life partner with whom we will be living our life as we have physically committed to be one… Lover oh so beautiful one we just tend to get lost in each other and think that the other is more important.
    Well I met a lovely girl online in February and the moment we started our first conversation we both felt we knew each other from life’s and slowly we got into a deep connection…. We talked, shared thoughts and one day we formed a love relationship and then decided to meet…. She made it possible to come 6957 km to meet me and when our bodies touched we felt a different spark in us and this was when I had already realized that she and I are only Soul Mates who have met because of some reason. I mesmerised by her body thought of that we can be life partner too but the script written by me before I was born said no You are just Soul Mates. Although we opened up and promised and committed to be one but that was not going to happen because we meet people at different seasons for different reasons, which needs to be accepted and understood.
    Faith, trust, honesty, communication is a necessity but we never know about the next day… She went back to her city and there she found a guy and she realized she has met her life partner the lover. So she and I are Soul Mates and this for life and life’s to come but maybe we never were or never will be life partners. We trust each other and respect the presence of each other in our life but she always has the right to live her life the way she wants with whoever she wants…. To be honest we love deep and we know that we are just One Soul residing in two different physical bodies. She is my student and I her teacher as I tell her not to feel guilty or feel bad that she is now with someone else. Relationship is one of biggest mystery because it exists between two persons, it depends on both. Whenever two persons meet, a new world is created. Just by their meeting, a new phenomenon comes into existence — which was not before, which never existed before. And through that new phenomenon, both persons are changed and transformed. Unrelated, we are one thing; related, immediately we become something else. A new thing has happened. A woman when she becomes a lover is no longer the same woman. A man is no longer the same man. This meeting of two is a complex phenomenon but if the relationship grows intimate, becomes closer, becomes deeper, then by and by the centers start meeting. When both centers meet, it is called love. But when just peripheries meet, it is acquaintance. We may touch the person from the without, just from the boundary, then it is acquaintance. Many times we start calling the acquaintance our love and we are in a fallacy. Because this Acquaintance is not love.
    True Love is very rare. To meet a person at his center we have to pass through a revolution ourselves, we need to open to our own self, we need to know our own self, we need to recognize our own self…. because if we really are ready and want to meet a person at his center, we will also have to allow that person to reach to our center also. Absolutely vulnerable, open we have to become and this is very risky. It takes lot of courage and self determination, because we can never know what that person will do to us. And once all our secrets are known, once all our hiddenness has become unhidden, once we are completely expose, we never know what that other person will do. This fear is there and thus many a times we never are able to open ourselves even if we really want to.
    When we are living fear oriented way it can never lead us into deep relationship. We always will remain afraid, and the other cannot be allowed to penetrate us to our very core. To an extent we may allow the other and then the wall comes and everything stops. Very few are love-oriented person and they are the religious person. These love-oriented person are the one who are not afraid of the future, one who are not afraid of the result and the consequence, because they live in present, they live every moment, they are here and now. I was never bothered about the result and never put much emphasis on what will happen next because I was on process of transformation and the love of my life came and she left, maybe not able to fully understand me but she was also as open as I was, she had asked me after she went to her city that will I be ready to still accept and love her even if she has other man in her life and I so innocently was able to say yes.
    Therefore need not fear, need not calculate, need not think much just be who You are and the fear will move away.

    Sorry for having written so long but I respect the girl who was so open and she didn’t fear what will happen… She is my and I am her Soul Mate.

    • Reply rugby843 October 12, 2016 at 12:25 am

      I agree wholeheartedly with your comments.

  • Reply Tony Single August 3, 2016 at 9:42 am

    It can be very difficult to be so open, especially when you have areas in your life and aspects of your very own self that you may be ashamed of or conflicted about. If we can, at times, move heaven and earth to live in denial about these things then is it any wonder that we do this with even the people that are closest to us? Openness is absolutely what we should strive for in relationships, but one hundred percent openness may actually be like a unicorn. It’s a beautiful idea but perhaps ultimately a myth. And yet still we should try and should want to try if we love the living, breathing, feeling person/s we’re with. 🙂

  • Reply Grandtrines August 3, 2016 at 9:44 am

    Reblogged this on Still Another Writer's Blog.

  • Reply Candy Girl August 3, 2016 at 10:13 am

    Eu divido o que acho importante que ele saiba, até para que entenda o porquê do meu modo de agir em certas situações. Isso facilita bastante, especialmente quando temos uma cultura tão diferente. O resto, o que não julgo necessário ele saber, como detalhes de relacionamentos antigos, não divido( assim como não faço a mínima questão de saber do passado amoroso dele). Eu curto muito o agora.
    Muito interessante os teus posts!! Um beijo!

  • Reply Dippy Druid August 3, 2016 at 10:49 am

    I met my husband whilst I was going through a divorce. It was difficult as I was trying to be the upbeat fun new girlfriend whilst at the same time grieving and processing the past without sharing it. I certainly wasn’t looking for a new partner at that time, but God sent my true mate in! I do like to be as open as possible as I find it hard to bottle feelings in but also it is important know when to pick the right moments, say if husband has work stress – you don’t really want to add to their full brain with your rants and emotions. Lots of love to you all x

  • Reply Comics and the Cross August 3, 2016 at 2:43 pm

    I am completely open with my Wife on everything I am going through as she is with me. I think that openness allows us to be closer and allows us to tackle things we are going through together. Whether it is a massive issue or a small issue, she is able to help me through the process and I can help her.

  • Reply Rick Amitin August 3, 2016 at 2:50 pm

    Having been married for thirty four years I can tell you communication is extremely important. It’s not possible to share every thought or feeling. And, we are each entitled to our moments of privacy. That’s not the same thing as withholding information that your partner should have. There are no skeletons hiding in my closet. My wife has the inside info on my strengths and weaknesses. Since we are not perfect sometimes what we discover is the best way to cover and protect our partner. If we told them how we do that they might feel insecure, threatened, or resentful. I think knowing you could talk about anything is enough.I don’t talk about everything but not because I can’t. These are only some of my thoughts on the subject. Great question, Roberta.

  • Reply ronbrownx August 3, 2016 at 9:19 pm

    Open, honest and frequent communication is the key to a successful relationship.

  • Reply Walter August 3, 2016 at 11:17 pm

    I am a guy with a loaded backpack. No details here but you can read a bit of it on my blog. Many of my relationships failed because my backpack was too heavy to carry alone and too difficult for the other to share the burden. Then I met her. Her backpack is as loaded as mine but because of that we both know how to balance its weight on our shoulders so it eases it for the other and that is the most healing feeling ever. I think it’s part of the honesty needed in a relationship to make the backpack visible early on and see if the other can and wants to help carrying it.

  • Reply realfantasyweb August 4, 2016 at 12:29 am

    Topic is common for most couples, answers are different. Looking for thoughts is great. You’ll still need to decide for yourself. If you don’t mind honesty, you need closure. It seems to me you want to open up but afraid that the conversation may damage your relationship. If it is truly in the past then you can trust the maturity of your relationship and have a conversation.

    Just one person’s opinion.

    • Reply Roberta Pimentel August 4, 2016 at 12:32 am

      We don’t have any secrets in our relationship. He knows a lot of the things that have happened in my life and respect the fact that I don’t want to talk about it when bad memories come to my mind.

  • Reply autistsix August 6, 2016 at 1:51 pm

    24 years married and most of it housebound disabled so 24/7 together practically, I share everything with my husband but sometimes not straight away. Even at this stage we sometimes say I can’t handle this now lets do something else. But as long as you’re not lying it will come in time. The best way to be honest is to start by being open when you don’t disclose which sounds like you are. You also have to live your life so there is nothing you can’t disclose. Also be open minded; my kids get upset because I tell my husband about how cute some man I’ve seen is, and I alert him to attractive or skimpily clad women. Some people make unreasonable demands that make honesty hard. But there is no rush, work at it and you’ll work it out.

  • Reply alvarezgalloso October 12, 2016 at 12:21 am

    I think couples must share in order to grow together as one.

  • Reply z3ng33kgr7 October 12, 2016 at 12:37 am

    So much here yet…

    It is the thoughts which are the source. Our thoughts can do strange things – both good and bad – whatever the relationship. Depending on how you sort them out or face the challenge of thoughts or dismiss them all together, you can find peace of self. This also can be done with a partner or friend – both – in order to establish greater trust, respect and/or intimacy. These are also opportunities to understand and nurture each other, promoting growth. Some people feel bound and others free in close relationships – it ultimately depends on you and the other. It is up to you to decide and question what is best for you.

    Hope this is helpful.

    Love and light!

    M

  • Reply Sonali@foodtravelandmakeup October 12, 2016 at 5:25 am

    Nice post….

  • Reply mliae October 12, 2016 at 8:33 am

    Roberta, I think you’ve got a golden one there, and what you are doing is OK! We kind of have a similar relationship here. We talk about -almost- everything. We communicate well and make decisions together…play well too. But there are some no-go zones. He also knows that life has not been easy, and although he has questions, it’s better for our relationship if we just let sleeping dogs lay, and move on together into the future. I have to sometimes remind myself before I say too much: He’s my man, not my therapist.

  • Reply evanyambu October 12, 2016 at 8:55 am

    back then when i was in a relationship i used to let out my mind on things and this brought our relationship to an end coz he thought i liked to complain but the thing was i hated keeping things to myself. So i would rather talk than keep it to myself

  • Reply Ieva Kambarovaite October 12, 2016 at 10:34 am

    Sharing is caring. I trully believe in that. I remember when I started dating my boyfriend and I had a little breakdown. He said the idea that I was able to share it with him made us closer.

    I think your special someone should be your best friend. And you should feel that you can share anything. I don’t though. Sometimes I feel I could be judged, called too emotional or I just don’t feel like upsetting. It’s a journey.

    Your post made me feel that I need to be more open. Thank you

  • Reply alifiyapersonalblog October 12, 2016 at 7:55 pm

    If you think, by opening up you are going to hurt your loved one.
    Then I would suggest to keep it with your self for life time.
    Keep no guilt, no pressure nothing
    Just let time do the working..

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